The President, The Ecology and the Phenomenal Fitness Sensation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spa in Stormy Weather

 

 

[Note:  This is purely girl talk.  But men are welcome to share at the risk of dying of boredom.]

 

I am an ecology lover.  Uhhhmmmm…  I sort of wrote a little verse about it, if you’ll bear with me:

 

it’s nice to be gently whipped by wind or caressed by light, cool breeze, pricked by small droplets of feeble rain or shower, or snow (not hail, sleet and freezing rain!  hey!!!  awe-full!!!)

in another place and time, during stormy weather you would not be working;

you will be listening to the patter of the rain

you will be hearing the wind blowing

on balmy days like these the operative word is relax, or relaxation, or serenity (not the Summer Glau movie dumb, dumb!)

 

no matter what the envious political critics, opposition parties, support groups say about the lady, I admire President GMA because of this presidential sweat room that she has.  it’s constructed of wood material, perchance on top of concrete, it has a table and stands — one of which is small, outfitted for someone of her size.  everytime she emerges from that room, they say that she feels really oh-so  healthy!  well, good for her!

 

the sweat room is large.  very large.  it accommodates a large number of friends, associates, commoner-audience, local and foreign distinguished guests from the diplomatic circle, including maids, waiters, even chauffeurs, radio and print as well as tv reporters, naked to the bones except for their ticklers and cameras, wires, mikes and cables.

 

what is done in there you can already cull from the name of the room.  Technically, the nomenclature suggests and explains itself as a place where one will whip a huge sweat and shed off fat, flush out body toxins, wastes and puts one in a kind of spiritual communion with … oh that’s something I don’t want to talk about right now, really.  but this sweat storm session has its very special, special rituals, for your information.  of course it is de rigueur before every one enters this sweat room, or any other sweat room for that matter, is that she or he must disrobe (get naked, stupid!),  place a lavacara on the evil part (your penis or boobs and vagina, stupid!) and have a little shower first where you must cleanse yourself of all evilness.  the sweat storm only officially starts when the sweat storm instructor raises a hammer and pounds a small wooden block with it.

 

Someone once wrote an article:

 

presidential sweat storm – it is good for the lady chief executive to be very interested in joining the latest craze — the sweat storm.  What a phenomenal fitness sensation it is!!!  it means that the lady president is really, really concerned about her health, and if she’s had too much to drink or too much coffee sometimes, at least she’ll be able to excrete all that!  [note:  excrete -- that's a truly obscene term, OMG! -- me]

 

however, and here’s the rub, foreign health experts say that not everyone can engage in this fad, sweat storm because as they say, it’s physical training brought to the extremes!  [note:  extreme, as in XXX sports? OMG! -- me]

 

but for those that are in the peak of health, sweat storm is not bad.  anyone, but anyone, who is a believer in good health would really recommend it immediately to you, “Hey man, try sweat storm!”  [note:  that's getting to be bad, isn't it? -- me]

 

and so GMA has this public presidential sweat room, I learned about it when my friend shared the news with me. she (GMA) shares it generously of course.  and although she might visit it even only once a year, everyone wants to see her sweat a storm!

 

all congressmen willingly or unwillingly go there.  senators.  diplomats!  (I did not know that well-dressed and poker faced functionaries like them would shed their clothes in a public manner?)

 

she tells everyone of the statistics, how much weight loss she achieved, or how much weight gain she has to struggle against.  of course, she tells everyone about her weight reduction and health enhancement programs.

 

she even tells the audience how she can use the sweat storm concept and the sweat room to raise money for the country and that her sweat storm sessions are really focused on the poor.  [note:  well, how is that possible, hmmm? -- me]

 

but the wickedly prude ones will boycott GMA’s sweat storm session in the presidential sweat room.

 

they’ll walk out of the sweat storm session and the media goes with them, taking videos of the evil words they say about good physical training.  [note:  how daft!!! -- me]

 

others applaud the sweat storm, clapping and standing, standing and clapping, making catcalls, all in their birthday suits with little towels draped over their overheated penises and vaginas.  [note:  what a sight that must be!!! -- me]

 

I’d like to have a sweat storm session one time, on my own.  It’s hard to stand or sit beside a thousand people, while sweating out like a pig and having nothing on except a lavacara, don’t you think?  it’s a good recreation to enjoy if your visitor is outside instead, like typhoon Frank, Typhoon Helen, Typhoon Kalmaegi, and Norah Jones is crooning to you from your speakers.  its similar to being back in turkey where they have this wonderful turkish bath.  you’re not alone but all you are allowed to be naked with at least are friends and one masseur.  and it’s a male one. huh!  liiikke!  it doesn’t a nilly compare with the korean bath where you’re naked with complete strangers.  ugggghh!!!

 

but I do admire the president’s courage, standing up in her birthday suit with just a couple of little tiny towels, soaked up in sweat, with a thousand or more people, lovers and enemies both.  I can never do a thing like that.

 

so I guess, our little health and extreme fitness topic is just about exhausted for the day, is it not?

 

ummm,  presidential sauna, anyone?  come one, come all, attire:  birthday day suit — bring lavacaras.  RSVP:  Batasan hotline 9315001 local 7616 or 9320535 (Fux)

 

 

 

(Music Playing:  Don’t Know Why by Norah Jones)