The Little Secretary and the Language Police
It was a fastidious cloak and dagger operation. Forty seven Language Police operatives milling about, in complete disguise attires, all wearing sci-fi like contraptions on their eyes, ears, mouths, noses and possibly on every other orifice in their torsos.
For 400 days, this little girlie-looking lady, changing dresses to trousers, to denim worker’s overalls, to baby’s shirts, to tank top, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera dropped by ____ Café and I won’t supply the location of the branch, for personal reasons. The little lady in question, is a daughter of the friend of a friend of a friend of a classmate of my mom.
In the custom-built computer of the cloak and dagger operatives from the government, the lady has spoken to at least 57,931 people. Only one percentum according to the Language and Emotional Quotient Readouts are certified to be personally known to the little lady.
To make our story short (after all this is a short story, I am afraid I’ll bore you to death), little lady was arrested at about midnight of July 14, 2029 with these words:
You are under arrest by the Language Police. You have the right to remain silent, blah blah blah, blah. If you exercise your right to remain silent, blah blah blah, blah . . .
At the Language Police Headquarters, little lady was led into a sparse room surrounded by walls made of mirrors, presumably the interrogation room. She was shown a transcript by only one person with her inside, the investigator. The transcript read:
Ay alam mo ba na ang nagpataas ng presyo ng langis ay si mike arroyo? Si Gloria? Payaaag!!! Naku, mayaman yan di ba alam ninyo na may bahay siya sa U.S.? Aba nagpapatayo na naman ang bruha ng bahay sa Portugal Galaxy!!! Ang daming pera na kinuha nila sa planetang impsa ! Sa planetang china! Sa iba’t iba pang planeta! Sa Sun! Sa moon! Sa iba-ibang galaxy at Orion at iba-iba pang constellation!!! Huuuuuph!!! (inhaling deeply) At yung opening ng Inter Galactic NADAYA Terminal III sino ang kausap ni mike arroyo? si luhso tan!!! magkano? At yung North HyperSpace Rail? Aba!!! Aba!!! Abaaa!!!
Nakuuu!!! Put__ina talaga yan!!! Lagot siya sa boss ko!!! Alam niyo ba kung sino ang boss ko? Si Inter Galactic Senadora Mara Rojas! At si Senadora Fina Lakson! Patay sila, sabi ni mam Mara! At mam Fina! Narinig ko pinag uusapan nila yaan!!! Maniwala ka!!!! Hsssssp!!! (inhaling from asthma nebulizer)
The Language Police investigator asked little lady if she actually said those things. And little lady replied in the affirmative. The Language Police man inquired if she said it 57,931 times. To which little lady said, she could not remember. Hsssssssp!!! (sucked on nebulizer)
Then Language Police asked where she got her information. Little lady said, it is the same thing talked about over and over again by her shemale boss, friends, family and other fellow staff in the Inter Galactic Senate Office.
Language Police investigator said that she was in violation of the use of language. She cannot talk about bad words like langis, Portugal, impsa, china, mike arroyo, gloria arroyo, joseph estrada, eddie ramos, de venecia, and in fact he, the investigator himself was in danger in merely reminding her of this. Most of all she cannot invoke the supreme act of “erase”. From the look in his eyes, they seemed to be telling her this message: Erase — This is a duty only given to GOD and no one else, specially not some little turd who was in the employ of homosexual legislators! (Some things are rather better left unsaid little lady thought but this whacko does not believe in the Inter Galactic Supreme Brain called The Thule Ball!!! Hsssssp!!!!)
Language Police man, who looked to little lady to be rather kind and fatherly, said, it was way past midnight, little lady has to rest. Anyway, her shemale boss might provide her a lawyer, and place bail for her liberty.
Little lady then thanked Language Police investigator man and was escorted to modest sleeping quarters at the 570th basement floor of the Language Police Headquarters. Hssssssp!!!!
In the following morning, little lady awoke to a different environment. She was no longer in the sleeping quarters. She heard a recorded message that she had been temporarily consigned to PEJUK planet — also called the Pre-Extra Judicial Killing planetary detention center.
Little lady wondered about the declaration of Language Police investigator man that she will be bailed by her shemale boss and assisted by an advocate. Why was she brought to PEJUK?
When she looked at her wrist, there was a number, 1,748. That was her ID and member number in the movement to erase mike arroyo and gloria arroyo from the modern day dictionary. It was the highest form of rebellion and destabilization. And she initially felt she was the proudest girl in the Universe after she took her Oath of Office. She remembered that there were around 2000 of them that were working for shemale boss and other senators, congress members, governors, mayors, etc. of the Inter Galactic Thirteen-Branch Government. Little lady sighed, saying, “It’s not my lucky day!”
The story ends here, I think you know why. You don’t really want me to be EJUKKED?
Uh, short story right? So keep it short, stupid!!!