Jordon for President and the Fishy ICRC Kidnapping

 

OH MY GOD! SHE AND HER BEST FRIEND(S) KIDNAPPED AND ARE HOLDING THEM HOSTAGE!!!

 

Mr. Rick Hard Gordon is going to be president, or so he had projected.

He is going to be the Hero of the Hour, like Magsaysay, hugging the corpse of a victim of violence…

Aw sheeeerrrrt. It’s all just falquing drama but the drama has gone haywire!

Watch the movie:

The ICRC kidnapping that does not look like a real kidnapping case happened in this manner: The abu suya in Mindanao are mere paper tigers and extras. They are not the real deal. First, the ICRC were asked to avail of security personnel. They refused. When the ICRC were kidnapped, they just allegedly finished calling on the Sulu Province Red Cross head, the Vice Gov of Sulu at the Provincial Capitol. The kidnappers were in five motorcycles. They kidnapped the ICRC people inside the Provincial Capitol compound. Three were identified with at least one  former provincial jail guard, and his two relatives. Two other motorbikes were identified with the Philippine… M…! Holy God the Father Almighty!!!

The kidnappers brought the hostages to Indanan and hid them there. The Vice Gov later visited the hostages in the supposed wilderness of Indanan, but they were just inside the farm cum soy sauce (toyo) factory of the Vice Gov of Sulu in the suburbs of Indanan! Holy Mother of God in Heaven!!!

When the Vice Gov was asked for a small report-briefing by the Gov of Sulu, she suddenly developed so-called severe stomach pains, and supposedly asked to be treated in Jolo clinic. Then suddenly she flew the coupé to Zamboanga City on the guise again of stomach pains!?! After a while, the Vice Gov of Sulu was in Manila still being treated for stomach pains, presumably!!! Wowowow!!!

Now ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Barack Obama, Red Cross and Red Crescent, at the time that the Vice Gov was in Manila, there was rumor in the intelligentsia that ransom was being negotiated, how coincidental, no?!!!

Secretaries of Interior and Defense went to Zamboanga for a conference with the troops. The Gov of Sulu suggested to use community participation. When about two thousand former and active MNLF armed civilians appeared from the woodwork, the Marines disappeared and the abu suya kept running and running with the hostages.

Then a twist in the story develops:

Ms. Cezzz Drilon says that now Indonesians are involved in the kidnapping of the ICRC workers! Whooooaaaa!!!

All the while, the abu suya were being constricted by the constantly redeploying, moving government forces and civilian actors in the anti-ICRC kidnapping campaign.

Then later, after a few days, Ms. Cezzz Drilon placed the hostages in the limelight together with a dubious taped interview with Hal Vader Parad, probably her long lost uhhhmmmm, with the hostages saying that they are going to die!!! Help us!!! We are going to die!!!

And Hal Vader Parad saying in fearful sentences that the military should withdraw!!! The military should withdraw!!!

Hal Vader apparently does not mention that he is more afraid of the heavily armed citizens of Sulu that are pursuing him. There are two thousand of them as of last count. Hal Vader is hoping to the Lord Al’lah in heaven while smoking his shabu pipe, and ingesting other forms of drugs, that the MNLF will come and rescue him ala Steven Seagal with an army of around two thousand as well. (God forbid that I die! Hal Vader keeps praying!)

It becomes very transparent that Ms. Cezzz Drilon is now the mouthpiece of Hal Vader, long lost midnight confrere. Producer of tiny, tiny small talk in the moutainside Sulu Resort Hotels.

The Vice Gov and her boss, Rick Hard Gordon are no longer in the limelight and the ICRC hostages keep mumbling they are in terrible danger. Danger my ass!!!

They appear to have agreed to be kidnapped it seems. Now they fear for their lives!!!

And in the sides, the government has been losing millions of hard to get pesos in these times of crisis!

Something smells!!! Something terribly fishy and foul and pungent and ugly in Sulu!!! Someone’s gotta investigate this as soon as possible!!! Isn’t anybody concerned for the lives of those people kidnapped day in and day out in Mindanao, the ICRC workers’ notwithstanding?

Damn you Red Cross!!!

Damn you Vice Gov of Sulu!!!

Damn you Marings!!!

May the falquing sumsabitches lot of you burn in hell!!!